My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
