Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
