My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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