I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
