Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
