I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
