I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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