Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Welp...herpes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
