Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
