I think I died a long time ago.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
