You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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