to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
