Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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