I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
