i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
