what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
