Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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