We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
