Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
