i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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