I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
