Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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