explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
