Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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