Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
