Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
