even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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