OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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