it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i think my cat just said my name.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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