We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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