i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
