your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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