i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
