Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
