i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
