I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
