When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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