Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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