Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
