The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The uberlube is also flammable
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You should frame my arrest warrant.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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