I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
