Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
