I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
