Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
do herpes really smell.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
