you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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