Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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