apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
