pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
