Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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