I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girls should come with a carfax report
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
