I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
