You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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