I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
