Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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