my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would ride that face into the sunset
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
