boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
