O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
